So About That Dream...

I caught grief from my mother yesterday (who was in church) indicating, "this is the first time I ever heard a preacher who didn't finish his sermon." That's what moms are for! So about that dream:

Saturday nights, rather than a full night of sleep, I end up taking a "nap" as I usually find myself awake the whole night wondering about the sermon and what changes need to be made. This weekend was no exception. I decided to lie down around 1AM as I was still discerning how this sermon would come to an end. Yet in the three hour nap, an amazing dream unfolded that perhaps answered my concern.

I dreamed of a Sunday morning. It was the Faith congregation, but the venue was my home church in Galesburg. The Galesburg First UMC is an old downtown church with a large traditional sanctuary (with at least 60 foot "cathedral" ceilings and a bell tower where bats love to live. A little secret about that church is that above the sanctuary and below the bell tower is a "corridor" (I am not sure of the correct architectural term) that allows maintenance to walk above the sanctuary and lower the lights to the floor of the sanctuary to be changed.

In that dream it was 8:15AM and my sermon was not complete for the 9AM fusion service. I was procrastinating, as usual, finding reason to explore the building where I once roamed as a child. As I made my way up the remote back stairwell, I came to a steel ladder that was attached to a wall. I climbed the ladder and came to a wooden door above my head, about the size of a manhole cover. I was convinced that this was the "corridor" above the sanctuary that I knew existed but never visited. I pushed open the door and climbed through. The room was more than a corridor, but a great hall with beautiful wooden arches of a light oak color and a lot of light.

There were people up there in this great hall watching down through the light fixtures watching the congregation below. They greeted me with a smile and welcomed me by saying, "We have been wanting to see you for a long time" (like a scene out of Indiana Jones and the Holy Grail). They were the faces of my Sunday School teachers and mentors from long ago who once attended mu home church but who are no longer living. We talked for a few moments, only to realize that it was now 8:45AM and I needed to descend the stairs and return to my responsibilities.

But it was one older woman who I revered as a child for her dedication to the church, who placed her hand on my shoulder as I began my descent and said, "Bradley, you are needed by the congregation. Stop worrying about how it all ends ...they love you for being the you God created you to be."

I woke up before I returned to the sanctuary. But as I turned off my alarm and headed to the shower, I thought about what was going on. My "Egypt" is my ongoing fear of failure. At times it renders me powerless. That idea of letting people down hold me captive and enslaves me to the perceptions of others. And if I ended the sermon in a rather weak manner, than I was also failure in my own eyes.

Yet in hearing those comforting words from that cloud of witnesses (though in a dream)...I stood before the congregation this morning at 9:58AM and said, "I could go on ... but time has escaped us."

And as I write this to share with you and officially end the Sunday sermon, I think this is one of those transformative moments in faith for me that has drawn me deeper in trust with the One I have wrestled with mightily for a number of years now. In my own deliverance of fear of failure ... may my weak ending be one of hope for you.

In Jesus Name, Amen.

Ten Years

It is amazing how things have changed in ten years. Paper is out and paying our bills online is in. The SUV is out and the environment is in. Processing film is out, digital photography is in. Facebook has helped us renew old high school relationships. Skype lets us talk face to face around the world. Our houses are harder to sell and first time buyers have a harder time getting credit. We learned words such as "unfriend" and "google" and re-learned words such as "terrorism" and "war".

Sitting on the back porch this morning, I am feeling a moment of deja vu. Forgive my nostalgia. It was on a beautiful June morning, much like today, when the moving truck pulled up to Curtis Road to unload our belongings in this quiet neighborhood on the southwest side of Champaign. I was 24 and had been married four years at that point and expecting our first child any moment. I was less than a month removed from seminary and had brought with me three years experience as a pastor; experience and education in a traditional model of worship and ministry. Here I was appointed to Champaign Faith and charged with the responsibility of growing a contemporary worship service in a church (unlike my home church or previous parishes) ready to be on the move in structure, ideology, and theology.

Ten years later...Curtis road is no longer a quiet, rural place, but a busy four lane road with an interstate exchange and commercial development sprouting up around us. (Thank goodness for the state of tranquility on my back porch!). I am now 34, been married fourteen years and have two very interesting sons and an insecure St. Bernard that follows me around the house. Passionate worship has found me as, despite the venue or context of worship, we have felt a deeper connection with God through diving into scripture and functioning in the early church tradition (Acts 2). Been to Juarez (the deadliest city in the world) 15 times and have built 15 houses, among other projects. We built a huge addition on the building and have seen the fullness of the theological spectrum come together as one community. And now by the grace of God, the willingness of Faith UMC and the vision of the cabinet, I will be starting my eleventh year at Faith UMC on July 1.

But yet, have I changed?

I have been leading the congregation in a worship series on the seven letters to the seven church in the book of Revelation. In each of those letters, Jesus (according to the author) is perhaps asking each of the churches to do a little self reflection. If Revelation was written by an exiled "John" in the late 90's C.E. to churches formed around 40 years prior, perhaps the timing is excellent. In that 40 years they would have heard of the Apostle's death, seen the fall of Jerusalem, and know of the growth of Christianity through the Diaspora to the further reaches of the continent. The particular rebukes that Jesus emphasized with each church seem to both draw them back to their foundation while also kicking them forward by casting vision for these churches in Asia minor.

I have been told that I have changed, but that has been said to me in vain. Perhaps that is what Jesus is saying to the churches, you have changed, by getting away from your first love and foundation.

Perhaps I need to do some self reflection and asked if I have grown (yes, i have gained weight). Has the church grown? Have we build upon the spiritual foundations of who we are? Have I grown deeper in love with Jesus Christ, our first love? Have we allowed God to use us in ways that transform the world? Have the hardships of injury, loss, and brokenness, helped me to grow in my understanding of faith in community? Has the changing of the world helped Faith UMC to grow in ways that reach new people?

It is good to be back with you (online) and in your community.