Disappointment, Prayer, and Grace

Recently in one of the classes I was teaching, we got on the topic of transformation and prayer. And we mulled over in our discussion as to what the point of prayer was: "do we pray to change God or do we pray to change ourselves?" What an interesting point. In many ways, the struggle for humanity is the battle between our will and God's will. When faced with the greatest challenge of his life, Jesus stood in the Garden of Gethsemane and prayed for God to "let this cup pass." Yet ultimately he resolves, "let they will be done." Yet I question, did that leave Jesus disappointed?

We set goals, have desires of pure intentions, strive for things in life and yet when we come face to face with an alternative plan for our lives, are we disappointed? Even if we learn that it is God's plan for us and we are called to trust and walk in faith, does that leave us disappointed? Indeed sometimes our plans are not God's plans, yet there are other times when we believe we have followed God's plan for our lives and we struggle accepting whether a new direction is of God.

Perhaps my questions appear confusing (isn't that the point of a blog?) but I am struggling with that sense and those notions of disappointment. In trying to discern whether God's plan is set before me or if my way is taking precedence. Perhaps for you in a job transition, or if your heart was broken by someone else, or still grieving a loss that has left you wondering what's ahead. Are we being led by our own desire despite being steered in a different direction by events around us? Have we asked God what God wants? Or maybe God wants what we want?

So we all keep walking, praying, discerning, and hoping ...... hoping that there will be grace in the end that illuminates the mistakes and guides in the days ahead, climbing adversity or accepting what is given to us.

Koinonia and Doctors

It's been a month, and man am I embarrassed for not posting anything. After the last post, we celebrated Confirmation, I took some vacation time, and then jumped back into the swing of things with all four services last weekend. I must say that I might have preached one of the only sermons in the country that included both circumcision and pornography. It may not have been one of my best messages, but based upon the comments and jokes I am guessing that people at least remembered it!

One of the things I write about often in my blogs and sermons and seems to dominate my ministry is the concept of community. In church language we used to call it fellowship. But the story of the early church in the book of Acts was more than a practice of fellowship or friendliness but a story of deep community. The Greek word that was used to describe the early church was Koinonia, which emphasized the common life, common sharing. the deep level of community that was lived by early Christians. They weren't the "holy club", they weren't named by a denomination, in fact they didn't even go by the name Christian (or Paulinian). They were known as people of "The Way," and live in a specific way they did. Acts 2, after the moment of Pentecost, their community was described as such:

"They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved." (Acts 2:42-47 NIV).

I don't want to suggest that we lost that idea of being people of The Way or that we lost something in our tribal divisions (though we did), perhaps even more we have lost this as a way of living in our other defined communities. As neighborhoods do we pull together? As citizens of towns, are we aware of those who are without? This is rather radical thinking as we stand toe to toe everyday with ideas of capitalism that lead many to an economic Darwinism. This is rather radical thinking in light of many of the ideologies we were taught about self-sustenance in our living. But, if I am not mistaken, Jesus was radical as well.

Life is hard. Not just for those who are without, but also for those who have. Thank God that humans were created as a cross between Angels and Animals. The animal instinct in us leans us toward Darwinism and survival of the fittest, but the angel instinct in us denies the physical for what is spiritual or that which is "good." It is almost as if we are in a tough spot for being given guilt and awareness for the many things we act out on. So life is hard for those with as well, because there are still situations that touch our hearts and raise our awareness as we recognize the frailty in humanity.

That being said, I think I am going back to school. I have really been wrestling with this and allowing that application to sit on my desk and haunt me. There is a program at a seminary in Chicago that will allow me to follow my two passions: serving in the local church and building community. I am strongly considering pursuing my Doctor in Ministry in Beloved Community (based on MLK Jr.'s concept) which will allow me to continue to stay in full time ministry and use Champaign Faith as my hands-on experience. Hmmmm. we will have to see.